I’m young. I might as well work my ass off.

Today I took a walk around the studio, and I thought about what a crazy two years I’ve had.

In a little over two years I have gone from touring musician, to ‘worship leader’, to freelance designer, to ‘professional’ designer; all while trying my hardest to help plant a church, and start up an arts experiment in the city of Santa Clarita.

Being in the middle of everything often means that there’s no time to really look at what’s going on. And, because of that, the short time that is usually allotted to any kind of reflection usually evokes a negative response.

Today, because of the fact that I have a lighter design workload than normal, I did a lot of thinking. And the thinking made me sad. Made me sad because I’ve gotten too close to what I’m doing. Because I’ve been making judgements about the things I’m involved in based on how they look solely from the inside.

I’m looking at life and going cross-eyed, and it’s making me forget how crazy it is that I have done what I’ve done, and that I’m doing what I’m doing.
It’s also made me forget that I live to work, not only inside the ‘systems’ life has placed me in, but outside of them as well.

My goal was always to find something that was creative but stable, with the hopes of pursuing other creative things that were not so stable – namely music. Right now I’m in the middle of a transition between one of the largest corporations in the world** and one of the top design agencies in Los Angeles, and I’m finally figuring out that I’ve reached that goal to a large degree. It’s just been hard to see, because I’ve been so close to everything.

I am simply at the point in my life where I have to learn the real value of how I manage my time.
I have been scheduled by the hour for the past 3 months, and I don’t see the end of it in sight.
And, honestly, I don’t know that right now is a good time for me to see the end.

I’m young.
I might as well work my ass off.

That said, I think I’m ready to start doing some art on my own.
I need to write music, and I need to kill myself to do it.
I’ve written some stuff lately, that I actually like***, and hopefully I’ll be able to find some time to record it.

Time will tell.

Cheers.

——————————————————————-
* Figuring out what that means exactly is still proving to be the biggest challenge.
** Which, after the ‘magic’ wore off, feels like just another office job at corporation.
*** Actually liking what I write is a plus…

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