surely, i can change.

i don’t change.

i just don’t.

in fact, i don’t even think about changing. i’m a stonewall. i preach change all the time. my whole philosophy on worship (well, really life in general) is that if you come into contact with God, you shouldn’t be able to walk away the same. if you truly see Him, you MUST change.

and i must say, that for the past six months, i honestly haven’t had much contact with God. and i can fake the opposite pretty well. i can make it seem like God and i have a beautiful relationship.

and then i break. and it’s obvious that i don’t have it together.

so, today i broke.

i am so in need of some time with jesus it’s rediculous. sure, i can say that ‘i’ve been trying to find God in the broken places,’ but that’s simply not true.

i haven’t been trying to find God at all. i haven’t really cared about anyone but myself at all for a very long time. and today it hit me (well, realistically, it hit me on my birthday. in the form of a chair.).

i don’t know exactly what hit me. i would assume that it was Jesus. and i would assume that it has something to do with my lack of change.

because, suddenly, i could feel again. and it’s a good feeling.

i was numb for so long. it was nice to feel pain. pain felt great.

i know i have to change.

surely, i can change.

something.

{for some reason, Jesus always breaks me down using a man named David Crowder. Crowder always seems to write lyrics that just cut to my core. they’re very simple, and they kill me – in a good way. i think he’s a fantastic songwriter. last time i changed, Jesus used a song called ‘only you.’ this time he used a song called ‘surely we can change‘ (hence the title of my blog). i hope these words resound in you the way they resounded in me.}

love.

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Comments
One Response to “surely, i can change.”
  1. Hayley Jane says:

    wow, this is crazy. I am going through the exact same thing, for the past two months I have neglected god almost completely. Caring about only what I needed to do. and it hit me a few days ago just like you… well.. except it wasnt in the form of a chair haha.
    I even wrote a blog and everything about it.

    well hope all is well with you!
    Hayley Jane.

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